Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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