remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
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You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
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Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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