id be glad to
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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