i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
