I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
