My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
