I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
