i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
