i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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