we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
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