you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
