Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."