So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas