He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?