He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy