Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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