did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
