yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
