apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
