I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
