sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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