eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
