I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
