Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
