My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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