ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize