ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
