wake up i wanna do it froggy style
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
