Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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