Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
