In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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