I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
