DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
