Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
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I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
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I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
lol hangovers are for mortals.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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