I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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