your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
