It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
