ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize