i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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