no, he came in my armpit
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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