At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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