I want to have your abortion
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
