Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
