Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
