The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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