none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
