In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
