i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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