Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
