my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize