I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
