so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
