i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
