My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
