Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
