On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
