I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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