She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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