apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
