bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
