but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
