You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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