she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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