There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
